Animator v. Animation

How to make someone cry...

...on Thanksgiving.

Oh, there are many ways. It's easy to make relatives cry. Too easy perhaps. It's so much more challenging to make complete strangers cry. I suggest victimizing helpless cashiers at supermarkets, making them stand mute and idle while you reel off a littany of horrible service crimes perpetrated against you, the most important person in the store, until the minimum-wage earner in question begins to silently shake and can no longer hold back the flood of tears.

I saw a wonderful example of this very technique in our local Kroger store on Turkey day. A woman (we will call her Ivanka P. Nutcrusher for purposes of anonymity) came to the check out with a full cart of Thanksgiving crap, waited until it had all been scanned (at least 5 people behind her at this point) and then told the cashier she needed to call her bank to check her balance before she could pay. The cashier then asked the manager to suspend the transaction until I.P. Nutcrusher got her shit together, and then the fun began. First making sure that she was the absolute center of attention, I.P. then listed the myriad ways she had been victimized by the cashier, Kroger, and the military-industrial complex. I timed it. She had the girl in tears inside a minute. Masterful.

Happy Thanksgiving I.P. We salute you.

My Ukulele Band...

...did a gig at a place called the Marvell Event Center in town. Kind of a funky/divey joint but, hey, anybody who let's ukulele bands play is ok by me. Check out the videos here.

Calm the f*ck down.

People in my neighborhood spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the gunshots that they hear. I do not worry. Coming from Oakland, gunshots are like taxes, or rain or any other inconveinient, yet inevitable, occurence. You hear them all the time. When you do, you say: "Wow, that sounded close." and then you go back to washing the dishes. People here seem to think that gunshots mean that an army of supervillians have you surrounded in your house and are coming to kill you. Here are some comforting facts for you wingnuts:

1. Gunshots are seldom a random occurence. People shoot people for a variety of reasons, but it is extremely rare that someone would just randomly decide to roll up on your ranch house and pop a cap in yo' ass.

2. Nobody, I repeat, nobody is out to get you. The neighborhood is not turning into a war zone. There are no terrorists living among us. All your plastic shit that you bought at WalMart, contributing to our economic collapse, is probably safe.

3. The proper response to gunfire is not, contrary to popular thinking, to buy a gun. You wouldn't buy a cobra to protect you from the cobra in your house, right?

4. Somebody has already called the police. You can just roll over and go back to sleep.

5. Unless the helicopter is shining the searchlight at your house, it's not about you.

6. Finally, if you really want to cut down on the number of gunshots you hear, get off your fat, lazy ass and volunteer for an organization that gives teenagers an alternative to gangs. Big Brothers / Big Sisters comes to mind. There are 100 boys on the waiting list right now waiting to be matched.

The Daily Beast

Far be it from me to sing Tina Brown's praises from any rooftop (or even dumpster), but I must say, The Daily Beast is quite addictive and mostly useful. It brings together news, style, and some of the best writing in the blogosphere into one, neat little package. Check it out.

Lord Ungr's Theme

Video Postcard

A nation of sheep...

...creates a government of wolves.

Edward R. Murrow

Today is the day people. Please get to the polls before they close and throw these son of a bitches out of office so we can get to work!

I went record shopping with Billy Bragg

You would think I'd have a lot to write on the subject, but I don't. He and his whole crew were a great bunch of guys. Super funny. It was weirdly like hanging out with an old friend, which is much the same feeling I get when I listen to his records.